Nobody ever told me it would be this lonely when your children get married and leave your house... Not my dad, not my older siblings...
But, it's getting lonely, even to a loner like me, and make no mistake about that...
First, it was the girls - three of them, Mubinatu Ahmad, Mauludatu Ahmad and Halimatu Ahmad, who got married and left the house a few years ago. And now, the big boys, Ahmad Mubarak and Nasif Ahmad, who are the eldest, have also left, leaving a huge void... This reality dawned on me this morning when I woke up to go to the mosque for the early morning prayers. The usual practice was to wake them up and we would stroll leisurely, talking as we went. This morning, only Nasir (my 16 year old SSS 3 son, the last child of my first wife), and I went to the mosque... You have no idea how that simple act has impact in bonding a relationship.
My mind cast back to the time they were born, Mubarak first, then Nasif. The memories came to me in a staccato of instant reflections... It was like a slow motion movie that brought back the pictures of the time they were growing up... through primary school, secondary school, tertiary institutions and then working. We were always together on and off, through thick and thin for several decades. As adults, we became like friends... talking, sharing things, advising each other... Suddenly, now I can't wake up and bawl at one of them to come and drive me to somewhere or take their mother to the market...
The sweet memories are many and every so often I catch myself smiling when I particularly recall a funny incident, like when, as a child, Nasif, who was just about three or four years old was lying on the bed beside me and against the wall. He kept on twisting and turning... Irritated, I shouted at him and told him to stay still. It's funnier when told in Hausa. So I said, "Wai kai mutsumutsun me ka ke ne?" Thinking that what I said, "mutsumutsu", was the name of a fearful monster, he scrambled all over me, shouting, holding me tight and asking, "where is it?". "What?", I asked. And he said, "mutsumutsun!". It was then I realized he thought the word was referring to some kind of monster lurking under the bed, and I burst out laughing... There are plenty of such sweet memories..
Similarly, it was only recently that they revealed a secret and their mother was horrified at the prospect of what would have happened, had things gone wrong then. They revealed how they used to sneak to a nearby pond at Batagarawa Lowcost Housing Estate and joined other kids to swim. My wife feared that they could have drawn, had things gone awry.
Well, now it's their turn to struggle with those fears as they start a family.
But my biggest fear is the realization that this is the beginning of the end for us. There's not much else left for us to do but to continue to pray and wait for the time the curtains will be drawn.
May Allah have mercy on us all when the time comes and may he bless all our children.
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